hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
