well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
