its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
