So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
