since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
