Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
