that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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