So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
