I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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