so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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