How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
