Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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