why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
