Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
