I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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