So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
