And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize