I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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