I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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