In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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