I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
