Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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