It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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