I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
