We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
