I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
