He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it glows. i had to have it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
