The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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