Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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