Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
