I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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