just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
