Say something about gay babies.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
