I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
