i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
soo... how was my night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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