I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
