I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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