Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
