I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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