Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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