I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
