I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
