I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
