i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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