Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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