literally had 100 drinks last night.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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