i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
