i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
