She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
