hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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