Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
