just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
