i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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