how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
