butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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