Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
