Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
