And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
