Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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