Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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