i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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