Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
