What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize