You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
