he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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