we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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