I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
