at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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