I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Quick, to the slutcave!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
