What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
