You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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