She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
