so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
