Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
