I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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